Sitting and Feeling

On a good day, you could say that I over-analyze things. And if we're being brutally honest, I would be diagnosed as a control freak with some anxiety issues. Since the loss of our daughter, I have been working on these issues as they relate to pregnancy - a time when you literally have no control over what your body is doing or what you can do with your body - with a very specialized therapist, and it's been helping!

But do you know what doesn't help a person with anxiety and control issues? Being prescribed 21 days of sitting around and having minimal distractions from analyzing the strange things your body is doing. It also doesn't help that the doctors are walking a fine line between, "your cervix could be a sign that your labor is imminent," and, "your cervix changes could just mean that you have a short cervix."

Warning to family here:

Don't tell me that Honey Boo Boo didn't warn you. Because I'm going to talk about all the things my body has done in the next several weeks that make me think labor could be imminent. But, surprise, they could also just mean that I'm pregnant! Ha! It's funny because I can't control it! This most certainly qualifies as TMI. Don't read on if you don't want know know. My filter and dignity are both missing in action.

• Lactation: Practice makes perfect, apparently. Or at least, my chest seems to think that this is true. I have progressively been having more and more, to the extent that last night I woke up to a completely soaked t-shirt and had to go digging through my underwear drawer at 2 am for the pair of breast pads I bought after my first pregnancy to deal with the leakage. I know that some leaking is normal, but watching my body progressively amp up the volume makes me think that something is happening. Or not. 
• Mucus Plug: Things you learn about in birth class: when you're pregnant, your cervical opening seals itself off with  "mucus plug" to prevent infections from getting in and from anything getting out too early. As you approach labor, your body sheds the plug as you dilate. Well folks, mine is shedding. It's gross. I mean, who knows if I even have a real plug to shed at this point, given the thinning and possible dilation, but there has been a definite change in regards to this lovely pregnancy structure. Could mean baby, could mean, "you are so pregnant."
• Hip pain: Holy shit, my hips hurt. So bad. I feel like I was hit my a Mac truck on each side. Some have this pain throughout their pregnancy, but this is new to me and my birthing hips. Could baby be dropping? Or am I just pregnant?
• Every cramp, twinge, lower back pain, and sensation between my belly button and knees: IS IT LABOR?  Or is it my body rebelling against my sloth life?
• Sleep: Can't get enough. I slept for 10 hours Friday night and 11 hours last night. How is it even possible that I'm tired?
• Dogs: They are attached to me. For most of the pregnancy, George Michael and Sweet Dee have been aloof. For the past few days, they have been on me, next to me, or guarding me. WHAT DO YOU KNOW DOGS?

Some time I'll have to write down all of the disgusting things we learned in birth class. Laura thinks I should teach pregnancy prevention to young women. I AGREE.